April 17, 2014

Dolly'll never go away again

A few things.

Did you even remember that I have a blog? I barely did. I have been a super-slacker.
I have been busy.
I have never been very good at change.

Spoiler! The three are related.

Part of the reason for my hiatus has been very simple. I have been busy. My life has undergone some changes and has continued to be in a state of change since, and that has created a schedule which is busy. Fun. Exciting. Loving it. But busy. I wrote a blog about it, actually, which I then didn’t post. Because I was busy. And, if I’m honest, I got nervous. But we'll get to that.
You see, when said changes arose, I had been an adult for quite a few years already, and as such, I became accustomed to a certain kind of living. One where I was in charge of me, and that was pretty much all. I had roommates I cared about and lots of pals to help account for me, plus I have a family like most folks, so it’s not like I was completely self-involved or anything, but my days looked like this: I'd (most days) oversleep, rush off to work, then I'd stay up late hanging out in dive bars or I'd watch shows and write blogs into the wee hours and then I’d oversleep the next morning and start all over again. It was both a schedule and a way of life - if not ideal, in the long-term - that I got good at.

And now. Now I have a new job I want to be really good at/ not be late to. Now I have this wonderful other person who wants to spend time with me and know what I’m up to and a smaller person who also wants to know that but to the power of infinity. See? How great is that?

And I want the same from them! I want to hang out and spend time and get there at least before 8pm so I can squeeze a quick Frozen duet out of a tiny, tired girl. I’m just crazy about those two. Which means a few things, time-wise: to bed earlier so I can get up earlier and go to work earlier and get off earlier and then we can be together and hang out and laugh and sing songs and talk about our days. There’s not a whole lot of ancillary time to work with, you see, once you factor in that I still like watching the Bachelor, being in Book Club, drinking wine with ladies on the reg, etc and so on. Like I said. Busy.

But there was also a part of me, I think, that up until now has been a little unsure about what this new version of my life would look like on paper. Not for any logical reason, mind you. And not in a bad way, either. But there has been a lot of change. A lot of good and necessary and grown-up change. And since the changes to my life have been so important, so meaningful, I think I wanted to do them justice. I think I wanted to know who I was within the framework of the change before I could really put it out there for the rest of you. Does that make sense? It only half does to me. But the half that does, does. And in the space I’m in now, which is comfortable, wonderful, and still new but the kind of new that also feels like home, the words are spilling out of me in a way I remember well. A way I recall being very gratifying, solid, comfortable, and simultaneously terrifying. A juxtaposition, as a writer, I’ve always been pretty ok with. 

I can’t promise now I’ll be back to bi-weekly blog posts about the haps and goings on, because being busy and important and in high demand of a nearly-6 year old will continue to keep me busy (and consequently sleeping during my formerly prime blogging hours), but I am here today as a show of good faith. I will try to say some things in a bit more regular fashion.
Now is the part where I admit to you that I have a very "Hello, Dolly" scenario playing out in my head presently where Louis Armstrong is crooning at me: it's so nice to have you back where you belong... You're lookin' swell, I can tell...

Which should adequately prove to us all that while my circumstances may have been in flux, I am still the same old weirdo I've always been. I'm myself. Maybe even more so, which is such a nice thing to say in the wake of change.  

And, scene!

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