April 25, 2011

it's all downhill from here

I have a lot of hair. It's not atypical for my half-pony to be the same thickness as other people's regular size pony. And right now it's really long too, so there is an especially large lot of it. After I take showers, if I put my hair in a ponytail, I swear to you it will stay wet for DAYS. Days. My hair's water retention is impressive. So when I was in high school, I realized that if I flipped my hair back and forth like 15 times it would shake some of the water out of it and make it easier to dry. I did it every morning.

If this song isn't already in your head from reading that, it should be:

Sorry I did that to you. But not that sorry.

Anyway, I haven't whipped my hair in I don't know how long. I don't know why I stopped, really, or why yesterday morning when my hair's water retention was at an all time high, I decided I should try it again. I'm going to call it sleep deprivation paired with I'm-running-late-what-will-make-this-process-go-faster desperation. So I flipped my head upside down - so far so good - flipped it back up, and promptly fell to the ground in a heap of crippling pain. I don't know if it's whiplash or I pulled a muscle or what but it was awful. All day I moved around with stiff neck. In church I had to do the whole body swivel during greeting time since every time I turned my neck it hurt so bad I thought I might throw up. I felt like Joan Cusack in Sixteen Candles trying to function with that awkward neck brace.

She may very well be my favorite character in that movie. When she tries to use the drinking fountain and then wipes her mouth with the applique skirt on her sweatshirt, I DIE.

Apparently for me, 26 is the year of becoming old. Suddenly I can't do things I used to be able to do and I'm inflicting serious bodily harm by trying to do them. That's never happened to me before. I hate it.

Since I've been 26 I've also acquired [I don't know if you heard] a REAL GROWN UP JOB. Which I'm so excited about - but also I realize that my days of prolonged adolescence are coming to a rapid halt. Sure, no more cover letters, no more babies [at least not til I have my own], no more Hedge Funding, no more folding khakis... but also, no more sitting in coffee shops, no more going out on Monday nights just because I can, no more watching Mad Men while the baby sleeps, no more sleeping in, no more fun. I'm hoping it's not that extreme, but I really wouldn't know, I've never had one of these before. 

I guess I'm just flustered because no one told me it would happen so fast. One day I'm footloose and fancy free, flipping my hair and galavanting about, and the next thing I know I'm whole body swiveling and going to bed at 9 PM and I'm talking about my 401K. Or 403B. Or 402X. Or something. I have 2 weeks before I start my job in which to learn how to be a grownup. Or learn how to make it look like I am one. I don't think my new employer will appreciate it very much if they ask me a question and I ask to call my parents or yell in a panic, "I NEED AN ADULT!" If anyone feels they are especially proficient at adulthood, feel free to help a sista out.

Either way, I think my neck debacle has made one thing perfectly clear: it's all downhill from here.

1 comment:

Kara said...