August 31, 2008
I have to be a little honest - I'm not ever quite sure what to make of God in situations like this one. Strangely enough, I visited a church tonight for the first time with a good friend and the sermon was all about the problem of Evil in the world. Hmm. While it didn't satisfy in any way the difficulties that face us, I think sometimes it is comforting to know that God just might be bigger than my understanding. That asking, "why," and learning the answer would not make it okay. If we knew why, would we say, "oh, okay then. I was just wondering." no! Perhaps we are not asking the right questions. Perhaps we are asking practically nonsensical questions - that make as much sense as "is yellow round or square?"
I was talking to my friend today about some of her struggles, and she was talking about how frustrating it is to struggle, to be in such pain and true misery! She said that whenever we was frustrated with God allowing her to still be struggling, she had to think that there was just something amazing that God was going to do in her or teach her through it. There must, she holds, if we are going through all this pain, be something good to come of it. C.S. Lewis said this: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." And haven't I seen that to be true, at times, in my own life? While it doesn't even begin to solve "the Problem of Pain," it's something. For now, I suppose I'll just continue to pray... even if for the time being my prayers are filled with confusion and anger.
So, pray for the doctors' discernment and wisdom; for good news; for healing for my beautiful sister Audrie!
August 24, 2008
August 19, 2008
Jonah Werner is incredible. I stole some more of his muzac from Thom this weekend and I am just being moved repeatedly by the lyrics of this guy. He was my camp singer when I was on work crew and saw him again when visiting Thom at CCR. I have always been a sucker for a good song lyric... but this is uniquely sticking out for me today. Check it:
"And as prisoners, we wallow in the black of our bars; and in the clink of our chains we waste. And we cry out for mercy and we plead for a passage, incessantly pacing the cage. But this hole is too dark, and this chiasm’s too deep and we’ve no way out, so we cave... to the hemorrhaging stench of the life that we’ve spent, in the end for a feast in the grave. And we toast to addiction, and we drink to the thrill, and we talk about leaving (but we know we never will.) Have you heard the door open? Man, I’ve seen people leave. I’ve even heard voices calling, crying out for me. But it don’t matter, cause too far gone are the spoils of my shame, I say, so a voice is a voice just the same… most days. But not on this day. Because on this day there was a change: and it thundered and plundered the stones and it steals out the dust, embracing the rust, as I cling to the mud and the bones. And all of one brilliant siege all I once thought, believed, became dead and it immersed alive: and the bars were no more and the walls fell to the floor and the light marched down the inside. I don’t know about freedom or hope and I’m scared like the soul of a destitute slave who’s been set free but stands still right where he is. He says, “Can I just leave? Can I just walk away?” I say, “Run away, man.” I say, “Run away, man – from your feast in the grave.”
Its time to live, my friend. Its time to live."
How incredibly true does this ring for you? I think so often I am SO STUCK in my sin and in the bondage it creates for me, that I can't see my freedom (in Christ) staring me in the face. And I so often feel just exactly like the slave - I know I'm free but I just don't know what to do. Rather, I know I CAN be free, but I think, "too far gone are the spoils of my shame." In those moments I forget about Jesus - I forget about the stones that have been thundered and plundered, I forget that God embraces the rust... even mine. To hear the words, after listening to this crazily intense portion of song, "It's time to live, my friend," just brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes I am baffled by how long it takes me (dare I say us?) to get this stuff. I've been a "Christian" for... well, a long time - and I still have a hard time internalizing God's call to just live. To run away from my sin and from the things that hold me, captive, and live.
"Can I just leave? Can I just walk away?"
"Run away, man. Run away."
August 14, 2008
August 13, 2008
It was, recently, my Gram's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAM!!! I am so so so so blessed to have such a wonderful grandma... and to get to see her this weekend to celebrate her birthday season! (I recently bought a greeting card that says, "I like to think of it as a birthday season; of which I just caught the tail end." But I can't decide who to give it to, because I am late for most birthdays. Such a dilemma.) But, I digress. Gram, here's to you! Thanks for being so lovely!
August 12, 2008
August 2, 2008
1. how is it possible that it is already AUGUST?
2. It was recently brought to my attention that given the fact that I have my blog link on facebook, other people besides the 4ish people I expect to look at it, occasionally view it. now, this does not mean (much to my dismay) that I have some kind of cult following - no no, but I still feel a little... I don't know... added pressure to appear normal and a little bit cool. just kind of funny.
3. I saw Mamma Mia tonight. And I have to be honest... I loved every last second of it. There is a part of me that would like to deny that musicals are, well, wonderful, but I can't. Because walking out of that theater I was just so happy and filled to the brim with glee. (Chels was too, apparently ABBA has that effect on people.) But in all seriousness, I love musicals. I just can't help myself.
Also, I have had "Moonboots" by Jonah Werner stuck in my head for a good week or so. If you were wondering. However, I am pretty sure that the 2ish straight hours of ABBA took care of that problem once and for all...
"so when you're near me, darling, can't you hear me S.O.S.???"