December 29, 2008
December 28, 2008
I am in the middle of the third of four Twilight books. I took a week-ish long hiatus because I couldn't possibly stand another night of reading until 4 am or until whatever ungodly hour I actually finished the book. I have always been a sucker for books... can't sleep till they're finished. The first two didn't even take me a whole day each to finish. Out of control. I am doing a much better job of rationing the third, and am well-rested today to prove it!
Oh, AND I saw the movie. Such a disappointment. The books are way better. And yes, I am 12. Actually, last night at our hotel (on the fashionable Kansas City Plaza) I was on the elevator with a girl who couldn't have been more than 13 and she had the EXACT same book in her hand that I was hiding in my purse. I was so ashamed. Not ashamed enough to stop, but ashamed nonetheless.
I have slept. A lot. Thats about all there is to say about that.
Have had Christmas with my parents, Gram and brother; one with the Farrells, one with my seesters, and now the last with my dad and his side of the fam. Divorced parents leads to lots of different Christmases. Nice to see and be seen, but I'm glad I'm on the home stretch. One can only handle so many gift exchanges, cheese balls, and festive holiday spirits. Always a lovely time, and always a lovely return home as well. Can't wait to write my thank-you notes!
So, really, its been pretty thrilling. I do have my lack of an internship looming gloomily over my head, but I try not to let it get me down. Until last night when my aunt replied to my unknowing with, "So really, you don't actually know anything, do you Meg?" No. I certainly don't. Cue panic attack. But that wasn't the highlight... I think that would have been when my Nana asked me how many patients I have "lost" so far. As in, have any of my clients ended their own lives under my care? It was a terribly pleasant dinner.
I kid, I kid. Gotta love family at the holidays. Makes for some funny blog entries, which is something, I suppose.
Ooh also, let me take this tiny moment to congratulate Mark and Lorrie (and Ethan, Owen, and Audrey, as well!) on the arrival of Elyse Noel Hostetler; and Carrie and Jonathon HICKS on the new pregnancy! Can't wait to see the preciously cute trequel to Marcail and Gabe :) I love babies.
Off I go... big day of brunch, shopping on the Plaza, and Colts football ahead. Gotta keep up!
December 13, 2008
I am relieved to be done with school, and relieved that Audrie is getting healthier after a rough couple days. I may not ever, however, get enough sleep to make up for the last two weeks. we indulged in a bit of finals-are-over madness last night; and by madness, I mean entirely too many people with entirely too little sleep. one round of balderdash took us like 4 hours. We laughed, though, that is for sure... and it was fun.
Plans for Break...
reading multiple books (including Twilight, no judging please); seeing every movie I want to see; skiing tomorrow (barring bad weather); hopefully going to Jump Street (major amounts of indoor trampolines, yes please); a LOT of laundry; Christmas shopping!; home to Wichita for more of the same; back to Denver for New Years!
song of the hour: Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It) by Beyonce. We pretty much sang it (dancing included) all night last night. its just so good.
December 8, 2008
* I found out today that I have enough credit card points for a plane ticket! this is a big deal. super exciting. where should I go??? my thoughts: Tejas? DC? LA? So hard to decide...
* Finals have descended upon me and are, as always, no fun. Only a test and a take-home left...
* I might ski this weekend. You should probably start praying now.
* ooh - I got the chance to see Trans Siberian Orchestra!! thanks to a good friend, I got to see the light show, the pyrotechnics (FIRE!) and fabulous music... it was so beyond fun. it SNOWED in the Pepsi Center!! if you ever get the chance... do it. thanks to Justin!!
* in 2009, I have plans (already) to see: WICKED in Chicago (!!!!), John Legend, and Andrew Bird. how fabulous is that?
* I have been really big into rebates these days. I said this the other night to my friends and got a big laugh... but I'm serious! I have gotten 3 checks in the mail from rebates. who's laughing now?? coupons too. somewhere along the line, I got a little bit frugal. go figure.
Sunday was a good day. I got to teach Sunday school with my lovely friend Allison... and I tell you, there is just nothing like a 3 year old to make your whole day. Quote of the week, from Peyton, age 3... She said, just with the brightest little matter of fact voice, "Underpants! That is a funny word! You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna go back in the room, and I'm gonna say underpants. And then everybody will laugh!" And you know what? Everybody did. Dreams do come true.
Finished Sunday by getting the chance to go serve at the Denver Rescue Mission... I tell you what, nothing is more humbling. I got to serve cake & pie - and it was just great. I was completely covered in frosting and pie filling by the time they all filed out... worth it. It made me so sad that I am so silly so much of the time. That I have so much but I am so ungrateful! Needless to say... I walked with a little more pep in my step today. With all of their smiles filing through my mind, Joy has come a little easier. I hope to go back more in the future... hold me to it, ok?
songs I'm loving:
mostly Christmas music... well, only Christmas music. lets be honest.
AND, though, a little bit of the Billboard Top 100 too (thank you, Sarah) while I write papers. it pumps me up.
and lastly, on my heart today, is C.S. Lewis:
“It would seem that our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling around with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at sea. We are far too easily pleased.”
Isn't that so true? The slums are no fun. Let's say yes to a holiday at sea.
November 20, 2008
November 13, 2008
I just wrote 3 different blog entries and got overwhelmed by each one and deleted all of them. Too rambly. My old college pastor, when helping us to write sermons/talks would always remind us that we didn't have to fit everything we knew about everything into that one thirty minute talk. Same kind of thing here. I just can't get it all out. Which is okay.
Here are some tidbits:
- a thing of great beauty: To Write Love On Her Arms. a nonprofit/annual event. "To Write Love On Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for those struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire, and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery." A beautiful thing. I read this, and I cry every time (without fail): "...Don Miller says we're called 'to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding.' I agree so greatly. We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true. We won't solve all the mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. we were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home." (www. twloha.com)
- fun facts: Going to see Ingrid Michaelson tomorrow in concert, followed by Korean Karaoke with my spiritual formation group on Saturday. Thanksgiving in 2 weeks and Christmas break in about 5! Interviewing for Internships... terrifying. But also exciting! Nothing yet but hopefully soon... :)
- looking forward to: family time, free time, getting my hair done, reading for pleasure.
- I am loving: cool weather, amazing sales at J.Crew, pain that equals growth, live music, having FUN, high fives, this blog, and wild sweet orange Tazo tea, available at Starbucks.
And that's all I have. It's late, I'm tired from all this blogging and not actually even posting, and it is past time for bed.
"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23
November 1, 2008
(the hostesses and residents of 1403 university... note my counterpart, Glinda the good witch!)
here it is - halloween. the party (and I do mean THE party... of the year) was a HUGE success. I think there were at least 100 people who came, total - even our neighbors ventured over from their lame party! granted, they were huge creepers, but such is life. it was a GREAT party. I spent the majority of today basking in last night's wonderfulness. I am, however, still sick with some kind of cold/flu type situation... I was able to rally for the party though, never you fear! It was so fun. For a full rundown of the costumes, etc, please visit my facebook album here: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2041803&l=09f74&id=24900146 (for those of you without facebook.) There were some hilarious costumes... among my favorites were: She-Ra, princess of power; mashed potatoes; Mugatu (from Zoolander); the guy in the shower; 2 mormon missionaries; ghost busters; Ben Franklin; all of the Plastics from Mean Girls; and Quail Man. People went all out! and our house wasn't totally trashed, either, which is GRAND. So fun. I wish it wasn't over!
There you have it.
good new music: new Ray Lamontagne CD (Gossip in the Grain) and new Ingrid Michaelson CD (Be OK) - both winners in their own right. Ingrid's is superb. I highly recommend it!
peace, love, and costume parties...
October 28, 2008
picture one: out on the town at Rio, which makes the best (and strongest) margs in Denver and perhaps even the surrounding area.
middle picture: this is pre-night on the town. those are my new fabulous jeans that I may never take off ever again. You'll be relieved to know that I washed them finally... no worries.
lastly: Annual Red Bull Soap Box Derby at Red Rocks with Dan (left) and Justin (right). SO FUN. AND, I was informed today, Justin and I made it on the news!! Someone saw us having a ball at the Derb. How cool is that?? I'm famous!
Also, I decided on a Halloween costume... but I'm not telling what it is... I'm just going to post pictures when its done. It's gonna be good...
big hearts to you all!
October 23, 2008
1. I LOVE broadway. I love musicals. I love any show/movie where it is commonplace for any one to break into any kind of catchy tune at any time. I even own some soundtracks to musicals I haven't even seen! I just love them. Not ashamed to admit it. There is nothing like getting into your car and singing "Mamma Mia" all the way to school. Nothing like it.
2. My screen name from middle school to now (although I use it way less slash hardly ever now) was meggs2694. The meggs with two g's was a mistake made by my mother (I was inconsolable for MINUTES.) and the numbers... this is embarrassing... are the transposed football jersey numbers of the two boys I loved at this point in my boy-loving career. I have never told anyone that.
3. I would love nothing more than to keep a journal - but I can never do it for more than about a week before getting miserably sick of it. I just started again 2 days ago. I put less pressure on myself this time, and I'm allowing myself to write even just one sentence each night if I want. I'm hoping it will stick this time! Then, someday, you guys can publish it. Since I'm sooooo brilliant and will inevitably be famous at some point.
4. I've always had this ongoing daydream where I am a wonderful and famous singer. Unfortunately, I get stage fright big time, and I'm also not much of a soloist. Even still - I would love to lead worship or sing anything ever and just have people be in awe of my vocal stylings. However, I'm realistic. I'll stick to singing in church, in the car, and in the shower. Oh, and with my roommate Sarah whenever we're home alone. (We've gotten caught a couple of times belting out showtunes in the kitchen... not good.)
5. I do voices. I love doing voices. I even kind of think they're kind of good. They're accurate, anyway. I'm possibly a little proud of the talent. Several are highly embarrassing... and I will not start doing them on command. So don't bother asking. :)
(I feel like 7 things is a lot and I'm having some trouble...)
6. If I could change one thing about myself, I would be a morning person. Seriously. I think morning people are so great. I have never been one. I have become more of one as I have gotten older, but I'm still pretty sucky. Someday, I hope to be a full-fledged morning person. I think that would be just fabulous.
7. I download every free song that ITunes offers. Often they are really bad and I end up deleting them... but I always do it. Can't pass up something free!!
October 21, 2008
Lets see... important updates include that my roomies and I are throwing a Halloween party to which we so far have THIRTY FIVE affirmative RSVP's and 20-something maybes!! While I'm feeling quite popular, I also feel a lot of pressure to A) find a killer costume and B) make the party real fun. With regard to A) - I am accepting suggestions. Today I made my facebook status to say, "megan is accepting suggestions for my halloween costume" and I have recieved the following suggestions (all of which have caused me to laugh uncontrollably in the DenSem computer lab, which is awkward.)
- a newt (thanks Paul)
- big Sonya (thanks Carla slash the scary mexican girl who went to Carla's high school... i.e. Big Sonya)
- the man from the game operation (which entails a nude body suit with bones painted on) - thanks Kate
- Maria VonTrapp (thanks also to Kate)
- the Koolaid Man (thanks Kara)
- Yoshi from Nintendo (Kara again)
All excellent suggestions, but none are the one. Allison keeps suggesting Tina Turner... not sure why... :) and other people have tried to be helpful as well. My manager (and friend) Grace from JCrew says she is coming as a streaker. Should be an interesting party. Please comment with your suggestions!! I am really struggling here!!
In other news, I bought a pair of skinny jeans, and I am actually and literally obsessed with them. I have worn them every day since I bought them on Friday, except for yesterday when I wore workout pants all day. Had I gotten dressed, I'm certain I would have worn them then too. They are from Gap, and they are fabulous. Sometimes in life we are blessed to find an article of clothing that looks and feels fabulous and fashionable and make you feel HOT. These are that blessing. I may never wear another pair of pants as long as I live.
That is really my report for now... The mouse count (i.e. mice who have died for daring enter my bedroom) is at 2, but I haven't seen another one (Praise Jesus) in several weeks. The second one was far less dramatic than Gus-Gus too, he just died in the trap while I was out of town. Gross, but fine with me. Spare me the mouse drama. I'm so over it.
Ok, so, Halloween is coming, pumpkin flavored things are everywhere, and life is but a dream. School continues to be hard and challenging, although most of the challenge this semester is emotional in nature and not so much academic. Masters in Counseling is kind of like being in counseling... all the time. Not that fun. I mean, yes, it is good, but I think there is a hump to get over of understanding how to live in a world where things are horrible, feeling the horrible, and being okay in spite of it. I learned this lesson from - don't laugh - Grey's Anatomy. The main character, Meredith, is in counseling, until one day she says "I'm quitting therapy, because I'm happy. I don't need it anymore." In the course of the episode, terrible things happen... a patient she likes dies, her relationships are challenged... blah blah. At the end, she runs into her therapist in the elevator. She gets all heated and says to her counselor, "What was the point of it? What is the point of doing any of that work? The world is just horrible!" Her therapist turns to her (and I tear up) and says, "Yes, Meredith, the world is horrible. The point is not to ignore the horrible and be happy anyway. The point is to learn how to feel the horrible!!" I can't tell you how this resonates with me... Yes, it's Grey's Anatomy, and yes, its dumb to learn life lessons from primetime television - but this is good stuff. I'm in grad school, so you can trust me when I say that.
So, I love you all, blog-readers, and I hope all is well for you. I hope you feel the horrible, and I hope that in the horrible you get to experience the goodness and the faithfulness of a God who enters into your struggles - who meets you in the battlefield - who doesn't leave you to fight it out alone. I hope that when you cry out to God, you experience God's response: I know. There are no answers, and if there were, they wouldn't be sufficient anyway - I think deep down, I know that. The most powerful thing in a time of great trial is to have someone who truly understands where you are and what you're going through. To have someone hear your story and begin to weep with you - to say, "I know where you've been. I've been there too." It's a hard thing to wrap my mind around, but I believe that God meets us where we are - in the hospital bed, in the pit of grief and despair, in the throes of addiction, in our loneliness, in our sadness, in our anger - and God pulls us close and says, "I know. I know where you have been. I have been there too... and I'll go there with you now."
September 22, 2008
Let me tell you the gruesome tale of Gus Gus's tragic end. (Warning - not for the faint of heart.) Last night I am sitting in bed when I hear it - the sound I have been dreading - the SNAP of the TRAP which is within eyeshot of my bed. I look over - and there is Gus Gus. But no - it would have been too simple for it to end there. He was only INJURED in the trap - and not even stuck in it. So I scream (naturally) and call (on the phone) Susan - who is upstairs and who I am hoping is not asleep. She gets out of bed and comes down... we both panic and try to get him but all the while we're freaking out - and he kind of hobbles away (they're quick even when they're injured.) We chased him until he ran under the dryer - FOILED AGAIN! My hope was that his injuries would be too severe to last very much longer. We went to bed. (Mind you, hours later - I was horrified.)
This morning, I walk out of my room into the basement and THERE HE IS - breathing his last in the middle of the floor. HO-LY CRAP. And now, clearly I am alone with no moral support - I panic (shocking) and trap him under a pot we had on the table, and call Mom. Gory details spared, I stepped up to the plate, got the little piece of crap in a bag, tied it, and ran the fastest I have ever run (ever) to the dumpster.
Rest in peace, you little terror. I certainly will.
we went out for a while in Breckenridge...
and it only made sense to end with Mamma Mia too. (dancing queen, obviously) that girl in the brown is the bachelorette herself - Sarah Kincheloe!
my talented roommates:
needless to say... a fun time was had by all.
September 17, 2008
"The world is pretty big. There are a lot of countries, with millions and millions of square miles of people and land and ocean. The universe is even bigger than that. I’ve never been but from the photos I’ve seen it’s massive. Pathways of stars, belts of black holes and galaxies and planets. It’s just endless, and somewhere up there, God knows your boyfriend broke up with you.
Maybe He doesn’t. I mean, maybe He’s up there and He’s working on really big stuff. He’s healing famines and trying to bring peace to war torn lands. The greatness of His issues makes your little issues look ordinary and simple and maybe even boring.
But every now and then I come across a verse that shakes my deep belief that I am beneath God’s radar. One that I love is Psalm 56:8. Here, in what hopefully makes me look pretty smart, is the King James Version:
“Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?”
But maybe you’re not old school, so here’s what the New Living Translation says:
“You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”
I think that’s beautiful. Can you imagine that? Can you picture God doing that? Taking His giant hands and tenderly picking up every single one of your tears? Knowing why they came, understanding what they mean, placing them in His bottle, so that He can comfort you.
That’s how God spends his days.
That’s how small this big universe is."
[click the title of this post to be sent to actual blog. beautiful!]
September 11, 2008
Fingers and toes. Sorry Mom.
September 10, 2008
All of the things that are good are these:
- spending my classless, JCrew-less wednesday
at Cafe Europa with Beckie Johns, listening to good music, catching up on emails, and reading good books for my good classes
- in October, I'm going to get to see Hanson (yes, Mmmbop Hanson - see picture) in concert. Matty Wertz (my favorite ever) is opening... and I'm thrilled.
- free music download of Phil Wickham (amazing) at www.philwickham.com. I highly reccommend it. I am recently in love with "Beautiful."
- Heathen dinner tonight!! Long story short, me and my friends Beckie and Joel were in a small group for a class in our first semester - and whenever we met for our projects, we always drank beer and ate pizza. So, we dubbed ourselves the Seminary Heathens, thus forming the Heathen club. Heathen dinners have since come to include Joel's wife, Marlin, as well as our friend Justin. I love Heathen dinners. So so much.
- my fabulous weekend with the new Mrs. Jessica Dahl! Look how much fun we had!
- that I live in Colorado and get to drive 30 minutes to go on hikes with my friends...
So, life is pretty good I guess.
Oh. Except for my new roommate. No, not Susan. Becca and Sarah are fine too. Even the dog, Daisy, is good. My new roommate is... sadly and grotesquely, a mouse. One or many? I'm choosing to believe it's one. This mouse (we'll call him GusGus) likes to scurry his little self into my room at night. Which has made me COMPLETELY and TOTALLY PARANOID. I think every noise, hair, movement, ANYTHING, is GusGus. It's ruining my life. I can hardly sleep without imagining the little guy crawling into bed with me. Something has to be done. I think I have to kill GusGus.
New favorite CD: She & Him. Favorite Song: Why Do You Let Me Stay Here. And that free CD. I love free stuff. OH and Amos Lee's self-titled CD, Amos Lee. Favorite Song: Bottom of the Barrel. Enjoy some good music (and a pumpkin spice latte - back in your local Sbucks!!) and the fabulous weather... I love fall.
September 8, 2008
September 5, 2008
"To whom will you compare me?
Or who is my equal?" says the Holy One.
Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:
Who created all these?
He who brings out the starry host one by one,
and calls them each by name.
Because of his great power and mighty strength,
not one of them is missing.
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
September 3, 2008
Those of you who know me, know that I love to read. This summer, with summer school being as demanding as it was, I hardly got to read at all - so with all the hype over "The Shack," it has been so hard for me not to be able to know what the fuss is all about and to read this supposedly brilliant work for myself. Now, I find myself halfway through this novel, and I'm just not into it. I read before bed the other night, and I just felt like there was something wrong with me - I should love this! It comes highly recommended, it's supposedly the next "Pilgrim's Progress"... WHAT IS THE DEAL? Well, I'll tell you what the deal is. I don't like it. And here's why.
Don't get me wrong - I do really love what William Young is trying to do. I love the idea that God meets us where we need him, as we need him - whatever form or manifestation that is. I love that the Holy Trinity lives in relationship with one another - that we can see their love and affection for one another in a tangible way. God IS love - and since God's love is not contingent on us, he must express that love in some way. It really is, in all seriousness, a beautiful concept. Having taken some theology, I find no beef with Young's ideas of God or presentation. It is a beautiful idea and a really wonderful picture of the depth and breadth of God's love for his people. So, you're wondering, just like I was... what is the deal?
The deal is, as I said, I don't like it. It is not a well-written book. I like, on paper, what is presented, but I am bored to tears by the presentation. The narrative is not especially engaging, it is nothing to write home about in terms of literary merit, and it is so obvious that its making me crazy. When I say obvious, I mean just that. You don't have to do any work to read this book. It leaves nothing to the imagination! Young just kind of tells us whats going on. "I'm God! This is Jesus! I'm the Holy Spirit!" BORING. Nothing is left to figure out, to try and work through. I know - I'm being critical. But its the truth. I suppose its doubly frustrating that I do find the subject matter so... worthwhile, that I wish it was just a better book.
Normally, I wouldn't deign to this kind of push-my-opinions-on-you-through-my-blog thing, but I had a conversation with a friend the other night about the book, and we were both so relieved to hear someone else agree! I mean, here I am, a Christian, and I don't like the Christian book of the year. Now, not to be dramatic, but that's bound to create some shame! So, I'm opening the door for you to be critical. If you want. Or to tell me you think I'm smoking crack. Either one is fine with me.
August 31, 2008
I have to be a little honest - I'm not ever quite sure what to make of God in situations like this one. Strangely enough, I visited a church tonight for the first time with a good friend and the sermon was all about the problem of Evil in the world. Hmm. While it didn't satisfy in any way the difficulties that face us, I think sometimes it is comforting to know that God just might be bigger than my understanding. That asking, "why," and learning the answer would not make it okay. If we knew why, would we say, "oh, okay then. I was just wondering." no! Perhaps we are not asking the right questions. Perhaps we are asking practically nonsensical questions - that make as much sense as "is yellow round or square?"
I was talking to my friend today about some of her struggles, and she was talking about how frustrating it is to struggle, to be in such pain and true misery! She said that whenever we was frustrated with God allowing her to still be struggling, she had to think that there was just something amazing that God was going to do in her or teach her through it. There must, she holds, if we are going through all this pain, be something good to come of it. C.S. Lewis said this: "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." And haven't I seen that to be true, at times, in my own life? While it doesn't even begin to solve "the Problem of Pain," it's something. For now, I suppose I'll just continue to pray... even if for the time being my prayers are filled with confusion and anger.
So, pray for the doctors' discernment and wisdom; for good news; for healing for my beautiful sister Audrie!
August 24, 2008
August 19, 2008
Jonah Werner is incredible. I stole some more of his muzac from Thom this weekend and I am just being moved repeatedly by the lyrics of this guy. He was my camp singer when I was on work crew and saw him again when visiting Thom at CCR. I have always been a sucker for a good song lyric... but this is uniquely sticking out for me today. Check it:
"And as prisoners, we wallow in the black of our bars; and in the clink of our chains we waste. And we cry out for mercy and we plead for a passage, incessantly pacing the cage. But this hole is too dark, and this chiasm’s too deep and we’ve no way out, so we cave... to the hemorrhaging stench of the life that we’ve spent, in the end for a feast in the grave. And we toast to addiction, and we drink to the thrill, and we talk about leaving (but we know we never will.) Have you heard the door open? Man, I’ve seen people leave. I’ve even heard voices calling, crying out for me. But it don’t matter, cause too far gone are the spoils of my shame, I say, so a voice is a voice just the same… most days. But not on this day. Because on this day there was a change: and it thundered and plundered the stones and it steals out the dust, embracing the rust, as I cling to the mud and the bones. And all of one brilliant siege all I once thought, believed, became dead and it immersed alive: and the bars were no more and the walls fell to the floor and the light marched down the inside. I don’t know about freedom or hope and I’m scared like the soul of a destitute slave who’s been set free but stands still right where he is. He says, “Can I just leave? Can I just walk away?” I say, “Run away, man.” I say, “Run away, man – from your feast in the grave.”
Its time to live, my friend. Its time to live."
How incredibly true does this ring for you? I think so often I am SO STUCK in my sin and in the bondage it creates for me, that I can't see my freedom (in Christ) staring me in the face. And I so often feel just exactly like the slave - I know I'm free but I just don't know what to do. Rather, I know I CAN be free, but I think, "too far gone are the spoils of my shame." In those moments I forget about Jesus - I forget about the stones that have been thundered and plundered, I forget that God embraces the rust... even mine. To hear the words, after listening to this crazily intense portion of song, "It's time to live, my friend," just brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes I am baffled by how long it takes me (dare I say us?) to get this stuff. I've been a "Christian" for... well, a long time - and I still have a hard time internalizing God's call to just live. To run away from my sin and from the things that hold me, captive, and live.
"Can I just leave? Can I just walk away?"
"Run away, man. Run away."
August 14, 2008
August 13, 2008
It was, recently, my Gram's birthday! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAM!!! I am so so so so blessed to have such a wonderful grandma... and to get to see her this weekend to celebrate her birthday season! (I recently bought a greeting card that says, "I like to think of it as a birthday season; of which I just caught the tail end." But I can't decide who to give it to, because I am late for most birthdays. Such a dilemma.) But, I digress. Gram, here's to you! Thanks for being so lovely!
August 12, 2008
August 2, 2008
1. how is it possible that it is already AUGUST?
2. It was recently brought to my attention that given the fact that I have my blog link on facebook, other people besides the 4ish people I expect to look at it, occasionally view it. now, this does not mean (much to my dismay) that I have some kind of cult following - no no, but I still feel a little... I don't know... added pressure to appear normal and a little bit cool. just kind of funny.
3. I saw Mamma Mia tonight. And I have to be honest... I loved every last second of it. There is a part of me that would like to deny that musicals are, well, wonderful, but I can't. Because walking out of that theater I was just so happy and filled to the brim with glee. (Chels was too, apparently ABBA has that effect on people.) But in all seriousness, I love musicals. I just can't help myself.
Also, I have had "Moonboots" by Jonah Werner stuck in my head for a good week or so. If you were wondering. However, I am pretty sure that the 2ish straight hours of ABBA took care of that problem once and for all...
"so when you're near me, darling, can't you hear me S.O.S.???"
July 31, 2008
megan and kenneth: (hours later) devastated. or concerned.
array of homemade goodies!
(mine is the perfectly symmetrical fruit pizza)
I just love allison and chelsea.
one of many model shots of our evening... with allison and kim
July 27, 2008
the soundtrack, if you will, to my ever-so-glamorous life.
1. Many the Miles - Sara Bareilles
2. Tables and Chairs - Andrew Bird
(+ the rest of "The Mysterious Production of Eggs")
3. Hoppipolla - Sigur Ros
4. Nothing But the Best - Frank Sinatra
5. Railway - Dispatch
6. Unsingable Name - Mike Doughty
7. Another Sunny Day - Belle and Sebastian
8. The Offer - Katie Herzig
9. Be Here Now - Ray LaMontagne
10. P.D.A (We Just Don't Care) - John Legend
11. Viva la Vida - Coldplay (+ the whole new cd)
12. Myriad Harbour - The New Pornographers
(once you get past the name, they're really good.)
13. PIcture to Burn - Taylor Swift (can't help myself)
14. My Doorbell - The White Stripes
15. In the Ayer - Flo Rida
16. A Man / Me / Then Jim - Rilo Kiley
17. Sing to the King - Passion Worship
18. Nothing (Without You) - Derek Webb
19. The Crane Wife 3 - The Decemberists
20. Just Like the Movies - Regina Spektor
so, it is potentially a little funny that I just made my own top-20 list as though any of you care what's on repeat on my Ipod. regardless, I'm going to go ahead and push "publish post" anyway. so there.
went to visit thomas in the mountains! it was WAY fun. it is seriously the greatest thing ever that I live 1.5 hours from a weekend getaway in the Rockies! what a fabulous thing about my life. in moments like that short and beautiful drive, I wonder why I would ever want to move away from this state, ever. but then there are about 36,000 reasons to move to kansas too, most of them being people I love. so lucky for me, I don't have to decide right now. ha!
anyway. allison and I left around 5:30 friday night and were at crooked creek around 7:45, after checking into the Rocky Mountain Inn & Hostel. handy thing number two about this mini-vacay: hostels. cheap cheap. love it. anyway - we got to Crooked Creek and I just was practically in love with it immediately! we met up with thommy, then allison and I stayed for Club and Jonah Werner's concert. (Fun fact: Jonah, the CCR camp singer, was also my camp singer when I was on work crew at Trail West many moons ago. so so fun!)
Allison and I slept at our hostel friday night... woke up saturday morning when the two other inhabitants of our hostel dorm room woke up (not much choice there, they were, well, not considerate) and had a nice leisurely delicious breakfast at Sharky's... this really great little dive in Fraser. We went to camp, hung out for a few hours, watched the Broken Heart play, watched Thomas do his jobs (guarding lives), and visited with some fun Wichita folks too. I was having serious flashbacks to when I was at camp as a gawky, awkward 15 year old... we LOVED the summer staff boys. COLLEGE BOYS! we thought they were so cute and such a big deal... and we would stand around on the last couple days trying to work up the guts to get pictures with them. So I get there, and I'm not kidding, within 5 minutes, this gaggle of girls comes lurking up and is like, "um, Thomas, HEY! um, could we like, get a picture with you?" and that is when I realized that Thomas, my dorky little brother, is that summer staff heartthrob!!!!! I nearly died. It was incredible. Some things (15 year old girls, anyway) never change I guess.
happy happy sunday!!!
July 22, 2008
Life at this moment is pretty much consumed by TH 501: A Survey of Christian Doctrine. Someone today compared this class to trying to drink from a fire hose... I mean, a survey of THEOLOGY in 2 WEEKS? 4.5 hours a day... is a lot of theology. Especially for those of us (ahem, ME) who have, well, never spent more than 2-3 minutes thinking about theology without getting a big time headache. I do, however, have a big fat crush on the professor. He is brilliant. His vocabulary has me constantly baffled - I keep Dictionary.com open just to get through class with any semblance of a clue as to what's going on. Lovely.
The class itself is really challenging. Our first assignment was to look at the statement of faith for our churches - and I was embarrassed at the thought that it had never occurred to me to even glance at this before! Or, for that matter, ever! At any church I have attended! Based on denomination I can ascertain what some beliefs might be, but goodness! You would think that the basic theology and belief system of a church would be, I don't know, a deciding factor?? And so this leads me to the discovery that much of my personal theology is pretty skewed and fairly naive. Great, right? I'm not being challenged to any kind of detrimental point, but challenged I certainly am. Even core things I thought to be true (under what basis, though, I'm not sure) contradict one another to the extent that if taken far enough, one completely negates the other. AHH! That is a little window into my brain activity this past week and 2 days... this class is so fabulously rich and thick in material I want to know - but I'll be darned if I'm not getting a good butt-whooping in the process.
OH, in glorious news, I have pretty much completed my summer of wedding-attending. Praise God. I love a good wedding, I really do, but many more and I might just lose it completely. I can only travel so many times, buy so many dresses, and be surrounded by other people's love for so long (I kid, I kid) before I just start to, well, yes, lose it. I do have one wedding in September (Robert and Meredith, in Boulder) and one in November (Ruthie Ramseyer's in Wichita!), but those are well enough spaced out that I feel like I can deal. Glorious! Jess and Brock's wedding was wonderful in Wichita - Jess looked like a princess (according to Haven Yothers) and Brock was clearly so excited and happy and I couldn't want anything more for my cousin and friend! It is so hard to believe that little Jessi is married... the days of the metallic wigs and playing house are over, I suppose. I think that is the hardest thing about watching these women I love get married... such a sad reminder that our childhoods are long-gone and our friendships (as I know them) have to change. It is, though, such a gift to see each and every one of them (Jessi, Cally, Em, Jessica, Katy, Lainey, soon to be Emily too!) ... the list goes on) having found such wonderful spouses... the kind who we talked about, dreamed about, pretended existed in the form of bed posts... haha. Goodness... this is potentially the sappiest thing I have ever written on this blog! But, I feel as though I have let the cynic in me run rampant this summer (defense mechanism, perhaps?) with all these weddings, and it was time for a little sappy to get in there too. Plus, its my blog playas, and I do what I want!
Lets see what else is notable or worth sharing...
I am REALLY looking forward to reading "The Shack" when I am done with this class...
AND seeing the new BATMAN movie... yes, its true. I love Christian Bale.
I went to Cheyenne, Wyoming on Saturday. I have officially been to the state of Wyoming! We went for Cheyenne Frontier Days... the world's second largest outdoor rodeo, plus Taylor Swift and Rascal Flatts in concert.
I am going to Crooked Creek Ranch this weekend (friday and sat) to see Thomas, who is on Summer Staff there, and to generally revel in the Young Life environment for just a little bit. I am seriously, so excited about this. Just to be on a camp property sounds like exactly what I want right now. I so appreciate those camps - and I am clearly biased - but even though it is not the camp I went to, the ambiance is the same... wonderful. Ahh. It was the first place where I understood that GOD wanted a personal relationship with ME; that I allowed Him into my life after a year of my leaders laying the groundwork. I recently got the chance to have coffee in Wichita with my YL leader from high school, Suzanne, who now lives in Germany (talk about good timing!) AND to see Jen Bruening, one of my leaders from the first time I went to camp, both of whom I love so dearly I could barely put it into words if I tried! I think I have just recently been struck by their impact on my young life... and I'm so thankful they took the time to invest in me. What a great, great blessing. My apologies for the random Young Life plug... but I love it. I unabashedly proclaim that I flipping LOVE that organization. Ha.
Ok. Well. This has been long, and well, slightly pointless. I remember in freshman english we had to do "free writes" which was basically like stream-of-consciousness writing... this was a bit like a flashback to that. So, it is what it is - and there it is. Or something.
I guess I should also say that I feel so blessed and so fortunate to be getting to grapple with the things I am (in theology, namely) - and while sometimes I'd like to play my "big baby" card, I really do feel that gratitude most of the time. I feel like I am constantly being shown the reason for things being the way they are... or glimpses into pieces of God's work in my life over my 23 years. Yes, some things I am figuring out a little late... but better late than never, I suppose. Sometimes, I'm dealing with something, and some random tidbit that some counselor or youth leader said to me will pop into my head. Seriously. And when I originally heard it, it may as well have been in Lithuanian. But somehow, now, it is illumined for me. As Alix Floyd would say... everything really is coming full circle, isn't it? Something like that.
June 24, 2008
"I am the salt of the earth; I am the light of the world; I am a child of God; I am part of the true vine, a channel of Christ's life; I am Christ's friend; I am chosen and appointed by Christ to bear his fruit; I am a slave of righteousness; I am enslaved to God; I am a daughter of God - God is spiritually my Father; I am a joint heir with Christ, sharing his inheritance with him; I am a temple - a dwelling place - of God. His spirit and his life dwell in me; I am united to the Lord and am one spirit with him; I am a member of Christ's body; I am a new creation; I am reconciled to God and am a minister of reconciliation; I am a daughter of God and one in Christ; I am an heir of God since I am a daughter of God; I am a saint; I am God's workmanship - his handiwork - born anew in Christ to do his work; I am a fellow citizen with the rest of God's family; I am a prisoner of Christ; I am righteous and holy; I am a citizen of heaven, seated in heaven right now; I am hidden with Christ in God; I am an expression of the life of Christ because he is my life; I am chosen of God, holy and dearly loved; I am a daughter of light and not of darkness; I am a holy partaker of a heavenly calling; I am a partaker of Christ, I share in his life; I am one of God's living stones, being built up in Christ as a spiritual house; I am a member of a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for God's own possession; I am an alien and a stranger to this world in which I temporarily live; I am an enemy of the devil; I am a child of God and I will resemble Christ when he returns; I am born of God, and the evil one - the devil - cannot touch me; I am NOT the great "I AM," but by the grace of God, I am what I am."
By the grace of God, I am what I am.
June 22, 2008
1. I am getting really good at doing my own nails. now, I'm not one to brag, but I'm just like, really proud of this! really! Chelsea and I have been discussing the possibility of a counseling practice in the future - therapy and spa! I'm going to do nails and counsel at the time time, Chelsea's going to do hair... I think its going to be a booming success. seriously. mental health combined with beauty products... its like a dream come true.
2. this is great. so last night, Chelsea and I are in the car on the way out to Parker, CO where Allison was housesitting, and we were talking about where all the boys are. ha. it was a pretty funny conversation... we decided we would really like for all of the good, cute, fun and cool Christian boys to congregate in one place and then just come to us. that would be the ideal. so, we head to the house to have a fun, low key girls night, and when we get there, Allison is on the phone with her guy friend from Budapest who happens to now live in Colorado Springs. He's on his way back from a Rockies game and will be passing through Parker and wonders if he and his buddies can stop by. We say sure, clearly... and I kid you not, this guy shows up with TWELVE (yes, twelve, as in 3 guys/1 girl ratio) guys, all of whom are spending the summer at this discipleship/work deal. all of whom are pretty good looking, Christians, mostly available. Chelsea decided that God was thinking this was a pretty funny joke... after our earlier conversation, 12 guys showing up literally at our doorstep??? what are the odds??? it was completely awkward, awesome, and hilarious. after we stopped laughing behind their backs at the hilarity of the whole situation, we had a pretty fun evening playing Wii and trying to learn all their names, etc. 12. I don't think you really realize how much 12 is until they walk in the front door one by one. ridiculous.
life is so funny sometimes.
3. oh yeah. I now am an official member of the workforce... I am the newest (I mean, I think) sales associate at JCrew in Park Meadows Mall. it's true. retail is less than thrilling, I'll be honest - but the discount is to die for. so there's that.
until next time, download: viva la vida (new Coldplay... pretty good); nothing but the best - frank sinatra; young folks - peter, bjorn, and john; and lastly, answer - sarah mclaughlan. love them. oh, and watch: http://www.hulu.com/watch/19279/saturday-night-live-kaitlin-at-the-mall if you want to die laughing.
May 17, 2008
there will be tables and chairs, there'll be pony rides and dancing bears, there'll even be a band...
ha - so, I wrote that several/many weeks ago, back when I was merely a student. now, ladies and gents, I am a real-live therapist! I have clients! who see me for 50 minutes of therapy every week. how wonderful and terrifying is that? I am loving it - it's pretty exciting that this is what I'm going to be doing, you know, with my life! so, let me give you a little "greatest hits" of all the things I have been doing with my ever-so-glamorous life since summer started!
our first summer outing was rollerskating at skate city in Littleton, CO. Let me tell you a little bit about Skate City. On Saturday nights, it is Christian fellowship night... which involves a lot of awkward teenagers, Christian rap (so so glorious) and slow-skating to "I Can Only Imagine." Needless to say, as a group of 20-30 something seminary grad students, we found this whole scenario incredibly entertaining.
Below, you will see the lovely inhabitants of 1403 S University Blvd! also known as - my roomies. Becca, Julie, and Sarah! for Julie's birthday, after a wonderful bbq in Wash Park, we went to The Ogden for some karaoke... needless to say, a fun time was had by all!
Then, I had my last day with Mr. Bodie. So sad!!! I miss having baby time all the time... life is a little happier when there are babies involved, I think.
A big highlight... my beautiful friend Emily Lebens became Mrs. Cameron Young in Omaha, NE! The wedding was b-e-a-utiful and so much fun... open bar, live band, best friends; what more could a girl ask for? I also learned that the drive from Denver to Omaha is about as much fun as the drive from Denver to Wichita, only with a few more interesting smells. Lovely. And here are the lovely cores... Katherine, Jamie, Cally, Emily, Lori, and me. I love these women... see you all in Key Largo!
Hmm... what else... Allison and I threw a KILLER bbq in Wash Park on Father's Day... we had a fabulous turnout, I built a grill, we started a fire, we had good food, we played sports. it was glorious.
Lastly, in terms of highlights, this weekend we went to dave and busters for my friend Christopher's (left, in the hat) birthday, which was a wild time... lots of fun and games and such. a fun time was had by all. as you can see, chelsea and I took to a game where you get to drive a semi. chelsea drove, and I rode shotgun (and honked the horn)... and our friend Andrew took pictures. so fun.
so that is a picture montage of my summer thus far. sorry its been so long since my last post! I know its unforgivable... but please bear with me... I have a crazy life!! Also, I tried to do cool things with this post and have the pictures be all wonky and stuff... and I'm pretty sure I failed. But the thought of re-uploading makes me want to die. so I'm not going to. deal with it.
and so, on this not-so-sunny sunday, I am going to go finish watching Pretty in Pink (gotta love Molly Ringwald) and enjoy the remainder of my day! much love.